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Lawn Humor

March 23, 2013

I am here to dispel the myth that those of us who have built our life’s work around watching grass grow do not have a sense of humor.  We love a good laugh as much as the next person.  In fact, the lawn and garden experts who have staffed our Help Center for more than 50 years have told me numerous stories of callers who made them laugh.  Here are a few that I think will bring a smile to your face:

- The fellow who after being told to water his lawn a half inch twice a week responded that was not possible because he only had a three-eighths inch hose.

- The person who asked:  “Could Ortho Bug-B-Gon get rid of a bug that was in his computer?”

- When our expert suggested planting Portulaca, the caller wondered which would be better… front portulaca or back portulaca?

- The caller who raved about how well Scotts EZ Seed had fixed her bare spot, wondered if she should sprinkle some on her husband’s bald head.

- The lawn enthusiast who wanted to win the best lawn battle with his neighbor, wanted to buy a spreader with head lights so he could feed his lawn in the middle of the night without his neighbor knowing.

- The lady who called from a nudist colony who wanted to know what to use to kill thistles.

- The person who was tired of hearing his bragging neighbor talk about the miraculous results from feeding with Miracle-Gro, snuck over in the middle of the night to swap a small tomato plant for a mature one.

- After hearing the suggestion to prevent “dog spots” in the yard by training the dog to go to a special doggie area that was covered with mulch or gravel, the caller said that he had heard of the special gravel for this purpose:  “Pee Gravel”.

I will end on that last one.  Hope you got a chuckle or two out of these.  Just know that you need not have a funny story when you contact our Help Center with your lawn and garden questions, however if you do have one, we would love to hear it.

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